I feel like Sesame Street Count.
Eight days until the big day. I have so much to do it feels like. But its okay! I have done a lot today.
I got one-of-a-kind earrings for all three ladies of honor. Because the girls are all different and beautiful and so special.
I’m finishing up my vows and centerpieces.
And I’m totally losing my mind that 8 days feels like forever and I want to call Ryan my husband right now. RIGHT NOW.
I am so excited my heart thumps. If I had my sister’s heart monitor on right now, it’d be going off all the time. She’s a trooper for finding a job, planning the wedding shower, and having a heart event monitor all the while being an amazing human being. I am so so proud of her.
Lauren, I am so so proud of you. My beautiful little sister. I could not have a better wedding without your talents and love. And in eight days, I’ll be the happiest bride because you made every detail perfect.
18 days until we’re married.
23 days until Jamaica.
We’ll be wedded and honeymooned and it’s already going so fast!
I haven’t had much time or energy to blog lately. My new job at the hospital is amazing. It’s a lot of work, and some days I feel too much for the patients going off to surgeries or transfusions or just being admitted for being sick it makes me feel heavy. But I am helping them start off their big days, and in a small way, it feel like honest work. It’s not much, just checking them in or pre-registering them, but it makes me feel something..more..deep….does that make sense?
I come home exhausted, but much happier than I would after work at the school. And I get excited to go back the next day. I’m sure that will fade, everyone tells me it will…
Right now, I’m about to make Sleepy Time tea and watch another rerun episode of Weeds with Ryan.
It’s been a long, and wonderful day. One day closer to the BIG ONE. Oh man.
So this pen pal letter project I am trying involves people I know and love, and people I’ve never met.
My sister Lauren
Jonathan Safran Foer
The Big Chicken from Family Guy
And subsequently Seth MacFarlane
So, this morning was interesting.
I went in to the hospital to fill out my new-hire paperwork and they’re okay with me getting married and honeymooning in Jamaica!!! Which is amazing.
But then I had the physical part of the day, and let me just say…the hospital is thorough. I had to do all these strength tests with machines that I had to push and pull but try as I may, they didn’t move…it was all hooked to a computer that measured my force. I had to breathe into a mask and failed because my narrow boney face didn’t fit right, but I’m still employed! I had blood work done, a pee test and a TB test where they put this stuff in your arm and the skin pops up like a bug bite for 15 minutes then goes away. I’m not sure what it all means…except that I passed and start orientation on Monday! I cannot wait!
I am so excited. This was a perfect alignment of luck, cosmic juju, timing and fate…I think. I mean, really. A job, full-time, willing to put up with my wedding which is 43 days away, willing to take a chance on me, who the only medical experience I have is watching shows like House and Grey’s Anatomy religiously for several years…. Ryan texted me this morning after I told him we can still get married and I still get to keep the job…..and this is what he said,
“Haha. See hun. You did this. All by yourself. No help. No references. No in with someone that works there. Just you. They hired you for being you. Be proud. Because you are amazing.”
And it made my whole day. Because he’s right. With the school, I had a name to drop. With nannying, I had references who loved (and still do love) me. But this…this was me studying how to have a good interview the night before, because I never learned that in college. It was me being myself, using humor and kindness, and it was the hospital liking what they saw, taking a chance on me, and ultimately I will not let them down. I’ll make those chocolate brown scrubs look fabulous. And I’ll work hard every day. Helping people. Which, let’s face it, is one of my biggest reasons to be.
Awesome. It’s an amazing day. All the poking and prodding was worth it. For sure.
I go in to fill out paperwork with the hospital tomorrow for my new job. Then I have a physical. It’s really happening! I have orientation next Monday and Tuesday and I cannot wait!
I’ll miss the job with the school. I’ll miss the kids and my partner, but this is a new sub chapter in my life. I guess having such a broad college degree does have some perks. I am not locked into one job field. I can try new things and really see what moves me and what I am passionate about, since I really don’t know that yet. It’s a good thing.
44 days until the wedding. The dress is fit and cleaned, the venue is paid for the caterer is picked and contracted, the photographer-my beautiful cousin- Jillian Sipkins is drawing up a real contract, and those damned invitations are all out and people think they’re beautiful!!!…It’s all falling into place. It’s all happening.
But the best part is, in 44 days, I get to call my best friend, the love of my life, “my husband.” After years of knowing him…my Kindergarten kiss, my high school crush…I remember stealing glances in Geology class at the back of his head, thinking he was beautiful. Hoping he’d notice me. And then feeling ashamed to think I would have a chance. I was such a nerd. Glasses, acne, teen angst written all over LiveJournal. I mean…asdfghjkl. He was popular, LaCrosse, Soccer….Nominated best looking that sort of kid. And after all that, we managed to reconnect over the Facebook and that was it. Our first date was September 5, 2011 and we were engaged Christmas Eve, 2012. I get to marry him. I get to marry this most wonderful and kind and hilarious man. I am so happy and blessed and excited I might pee my pants.
Okay I won’t actually do that, but…..you get it.
Today, I filled out pre-paperwork paperwork. And I redid the look of this blog once again, I just can’t get the feel of it right. I got a few new work clothes and the house will be cleaned before Ryan comes home for Tacos Gringos….As in, white people tacos…yummy, but not exactly authentic or authentically amazingly delicious. Because I have yet to master those tacos. I am getting there, I made habanero salsa once, but failed to add enough peppers. So the tacos lacked….the POW WABAM HOLY COW THIS IS SPICY BUT SO MIND-NUMBINGLY DELICIOUS factor.
All this change is hitting me hard today. I’m anxious, but it’s okay. It’s like the arrow that got pulled back through all the hard times and crap and is now being propelled through time and space at an alarmingly fast rate, through exciting and new air. I am ready.
I cannot wait for this.
I want to start writing meaningful letters. To friends, family, and famous people. Handwritten letters. Because emails, texts and phone calls are fine, but I want my loved ones and superficial but also highly respected heroes, to know I care. Is this stupid? Probably. I never really finish projects I set out to do…like my photo challenge with the GI Joe toy…fail. But whose to say there has to be a limit or an end? What if I just do it? So that’s the plan. Writing.
On an unrelated note, I recently watched a documentary on Hunter S. Thompson, and am inspired to write, not totally lose my mind, but to write.
The greatest compliment I got about my writing came from my grandmother. She was moved by a letter and told me I should be a writer. And it meant the world to me.
I blog, yeah, it’s a pretty narcissistic and futile thing to do, I suppose…”Look at me, look at my life…” That was never the purpose. I wanted to share my life, with anxiety and all it’s bumps and slips for people to see they weren’t alone. That life is messy, full of job hunting and stress and if we just keep moving forward, then there’s hope it’ll get better. To be that person who smiles and acknowledges others with depression, struggles with job hunting, anxiety, being a girl with a chaotic amount of emotions and thoughts, and let it out, let people laugh at my hiccups and stories and know it’s okay.
Yeah. Today is a good day.