Profound Something-ness:

I’ve been considering going back to school for some time, for education or behavior analysis, or something.  But because we move so frequently, I can’t.
If you know me, than you know I graduated from college with an erroneous degree in Communication in 3 years.  Of which, you know I regret deeply.  Because it is simply, far too broad.  And in order to gain experience, I need work in my field, but to obtain work in my field, I must first have experience…A relentless and vicious cycle of self-depricating then ensues and depression is most often the result.
And voila, here we are today.  With me, fresh out of anything nice to say to myself, but with some sort of positive outlook.
Really.  Today has been good.  I woke up with a lovely rain storm, am having a decent hair day, and I wore my red, red lipstick to feel like a beauty queen.

I don’t know.  I had a weird dream last night, that someone left a baby on my porch.  Like in those cartoons with the orphan mouse.  Is there such thing as doorbell babies?  Regardless.  She was beautiful.  And then the dream shifted, and I was being interviewed by Diane Sawyer.  And then it was a different dream again and I was swimming in the ocean with sharks.  (*I blame that solely on Shark Week)  I didn’t sleep great.  Weird dreams and a bad neck pain made sleeping uncomfortable.

But I’m okay.  And I’m happy for that.  I want to go on an adventure today, but I have no gas in my car, and no where to go.  I think I’ll write.  And hope I can get a new journal soon.  And those gorgeous boots.  I feel good about myself today.  I feel okay with where I am.  I feel safe.  I’m not overly happy, but then again, I don’t think I’ve ever been.  Looking back, my sister was always the happy one.  And rightfully so, she had the world.  She still does.  But there was always something so pure about her naivety. Something so, honest.  That I never had.  Maybe people are born happy, and others not completely, and that stays with us.   And we are shaped early on by experiences sad or happy and that sticks.  No matter, I don’t mean to dwell there, simply thinking.

For now, on this Wednesday, I am content.  And it’s fleeting, but it feels nice for a change.

I'm 26. Lost and in transition. I don't have the answers, just thoughts.