The Lights in the Hills:

I wandered in and out of the aisles of Target aimlessly for half an hour.  With no direction and a blank head.  Clouds.  Putting groceries into my basket on autopilot. It was like one of those night drives where there is no destination.  It’s the stars overhead, that thrill of the street lights sliding off the car windows and silhouetting shadows in the rearview mirror. Driving in canyons and under old trees.  The lights in the hills, it’s hard to explain where my mind goes.

I was staring at a tiny little pink dress.  For a brand new person.  Infant.  There in the Target, in probably the biggest middle aisle known to man, I was zoned out staring at a baby dress. Because I don’t even know.  Just because.  I have yet to have my period.  I’m having ghost cramps and nausea.  But the tests said NOT PREGNANT.  So I’ve been in a state of confusion for quite some time.  Mindlessly rubbing my belly and getting mad at myself when I realize I do it.  Because I failed the test…or passed depending on your view.  NOT PREGNANT.  I took it twice, and it was the same.  So what the heck is going in my belly right now!?!?!  I’ll be finding out on Monday.  Real Answers. To see if this is all a dream or a real human being….

I'm 26. Lost and in transition. I don't have the answers, just thoughts.