Time’s Out:

I cried even before the sun came up.  It’s bitter work.  Other people are cut out for the sudden dire need to disassemble a routine for the purchase of a car.  I drive Ryan to work.  I drive home.  I do chores.  I get ready and take Tucker to day care.  Then I work my ass off for  what equates to less than minimum wage.  I race to pick up Tucker.  I crate him.  I run back to work to get stressed when the kitchen staff gets mad.  Or a guest gets mad.  I drag ass home from absolute and utter exhaustion.  Only to do it all over again tomorrow. This is what happens when a Nissan Pathfinder needs a new radiator, head gasket and water pump.  This is what my life has become.  I am chauffeur, maid, server, peace keeper, town crier, chef and blogger.  I am stretched so thin these days, tears come faster than sweat.
And I don’t get much support from Ryan.  He’s right in that this is just what has to happen, there’s no other option, but he has since run out of sensitivity. He’s stressed as well.  But it would be great if he just once acknowledged how hard I work.  And how elephants working for peanuts get paid more.  How I’m really trying my best to cook and clean and get him to work and get me to work with a smile.  When in reality, my insides are raging.  I’m not going to be able to live like this much longer.  We need a car.  Yesterday.  Time’s up.  There’s no more time outs.  We’re in the eleventh hour.  And my tear ducts are near dried up.

I'm 26. Lost and in transition. I don't have the answers, just thoughts.


    • rhaimi says:

      Arkansas was the worst year of my life. I had happy moments, just like I do now. I just feel like everyone else was better equipped at dealing with stress than me. In Arkansas, I found myself in 5,000 dollars worth of debt, alone and eating butter for three days….Here, I have my bills paid, and balanced meals. It’s different, but I don’t handle stress well. I’ll be okay. Things work out the way they’re supposed to. Thanks for sending hope. It’s stronger than fear and stress combined.

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